Transparency

When it comes to communication in family and marriage, transparency is a key part.  When I think of transparency I think of clear, honest, see-through, and straightforward.  Many people think that to be transparent is to be vulnerable, even weak.  Others may think that the other person should be able to "read their mind" without them saying anything.  The reason transparency is so great in relationships is because it prevents many misunderstandings.  It is a form of communication that gets rid of any incorrect assumptions and stops future conflict.  When you are transparent in you feelings and thoughts, it creates an honest, open communication.  To say what you feel, is more liberating than vulnerable.
What do you think?

Teaching Children

Parents need to be teaching their children about sex and marital intimacy at a young age.  If we don't teach them then they will turn to outside sources like friends and media to learn.  If you want to teach your children values and standards related to sex, it starts with "the talk."  It's important to know that there isn't just one talk to have with your child, but multiple ongoing communication.  The ultimate goal is to have open communication with your children so they can turn to you whenever questions arise.  If you can talk opening about sex, you can talk openly about anything.  Teaching children young is a way to teach them to be mature about it and understand changes that will eventually occur in their body.  I know how this can be an awkward conversation and even be uncomfortable for the parents, but it is so important to be informed from a reliable source.

Some techniques I learned in my psychology class are: 

• Open: when a child comes to you with a question, be open with them.  If you are unsure how to respond to your child, be honest and say, "I'm not ready to answer that question yet, let me look into it and talk to you later tonight." 
• Eye Contact: Even if you feel uncomfortable  (Not keeping eye contact sends the message that "this is not okay to bring up."  So they will avoid talking to you about it.)
• Answer what is asked:  By the questions you child asks you can measure what your child is ready to hear about. (Be sure to ask context, because they could be referring to something entirely different. Where did they here it?)
• When to teach:  Developmentally appropriate for age.  A great resource to go by is "A Parents Guide," you can find it on lds.org
• Age 2: Modesty
• Age 3-5: inappropriate touching
• Age 7-11: Children start coming with questions.  Give your child a heads up to what they will learn in their Maturation class.  (teach them about sex)  
• Regularly discuss throughout the teen years.

I thought this topic was enlightening and I am glad to know how to best teach children what they need to know.  Hope this can be a resource you can turn to.

Fidelity

I believe fidelity in marriage is extremely important to keep.  Marriage is a sacred promise to give your all to your spouse and no one else.  Infidelity breaks a trust that can rarely be re-built.  One of the reasons why I am all for strengthening fidelity in the marriage is because most infidelity leads to divorce which leads to broken families.  Another reason (probably the biggest) is that fidelity in marriage is a commandment from God.  God said, "Thou shalt love thy [spouse] with all they heart, and shalt cleave unto [them] and none else." (Doctrine & Covenants 42:22)
Now I want to discuss some ways to avoid infidelity in marriage.  One large influence is cohabiting, and it isn't positive. Many people have the false idea that cohabiting before marriage will strengthen a later marriage, but cohabitation has proven to show greater divorce rates, greater infidelity, and less trust. 
There are a few forms a infidelity, the one that seems to start them all is emotional fidelity.  Here are some questions you can ask yourself to evaluate your fidelity in marriage.

• Am I turning to my friends/family for comfort rather than my spouse?
• Do I seek opportunities to be with a friend even when school/work don't require it?
• Do I compare my spouse to my friend?
• Am I tempted to hide anything from my spouse?

Lastly, I want to end with a quote from Spencer W. Kimbal, "When the Lord says, all they heart, it allows for no sharing, nor dividing, nor depriving."  In marriage we need to remember the promises we have made and always be working to strengthen those bonds we have.  

Strength in marriage

In our class discussion this week we have been talking about marriage and specifically how to strengthen marriage.  I want to share a few things from our discussions and I know if everyone can apply these ideas it will greatly benefit them. 
Newly married couples:  necessary adjustments in the 1st year of marriage.

• Relationship boundaries
• A patter for resolving conflict
• Time management
• Money management
• Mutual decision making
• Distribution of responsibilities
• Lifestyle: Eating, sleeping
• Social Circles
• Physical intamacy
• Family boundaries: time spent with extended family
• Maintaining an individual identity

"Whatever Patterns you establish early in marriage will likely follow throughout the marriage."

Keeping a marriage strong:
In a study it was found the couples who had 10 areas of significant incompatibility were on their way to divorce.  And it was found that couples who reported satisfaction and strength in marriage also had 10 areas of significant incompatibility.  What was the difference between the happy couples and the unhappy couples? 

• Those people with good marriages almost always have had to work really hard at it.
• Couples should not compare their weaknesses with others' strengths.
• Couples who say "Thank you" and show appreciation on a daily basis are closer and stronger.  This may be because:
• You recognize more of what you appreciate about one another.
• It creates a better home environment.
• It gets rid of feelings of entitlement.

I encourage all to apply these principles and see how they effect their relationships.  I know you can heal any wounds if you work at it together.  Move forward with hope and faith.

Stable Relationships

Today I want to talk about something that not only applies to me personally at this time in my life but absolutely applies to everyone.  I think that if we all learned this early in our lives we would be better off. In my class we discussed a little on Dr. John Van Epp's book How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk.  The main aspect we covered was the R.A.M.  This stands for Relationship Attachment Model I believe it explains things clearly and honestly.

I want to explain this a little so it makes sense.  (As I lay the model out in words, I want you to look at the relationships you have in your life and see how they correlate.)  A solid relationship starts with getting to know someone.
1. You need to know someone at a higher level than you trust them.
2. You shouldn't rely on someone more than you trust them. 
3. Never commit more than you can rely on someone.
4. Do not touch more than your ability to commit.
It is interesting to think about.  I hope this model helps anyone who is seeking a relationship but hasn't been able to go about it in a successful way.

Hope you all have a great week!