Sibling Love

Hope you all are having a Happy May! 
This week in my Family Relations class we reviewed a study done about siblings, specifically sisters.  What the study found was that having a sister protected adolescents from feeling lonely, unloved, guilty, self-conscious and fearful.  "Having a loving sibling of either gender promoted good deeds, such as helping a neighbor or watching out for other kids at school... loving siblings fostered charitable attitudes more than loving parents did." 
Interesting right?  I just wanted to say how grateful I am for my siblings, brother and sisters.  I am also so grateful for my brother and sister in-law.  I have been changed for knowing them, and it was definitely for the better.  I also want to add my belief in the importance of having multiple children and how it will truly benefit the children in development and having a sense of belonging. 
I hope you all can love and appreciate your siblings in ways that are special to you. 
Love,  Kirsten

P.S.  here is the link to the study if you are interested:
Sisters give siblings better mental health

Tammy's Example

Hello everyone,

In my Family Relations class this week we viewed some videos that were very intriguing.  They were some clips from a documentary called, "People Like Us: Social Class in America."  There was one that I particularly liked and was moved by.  It was about a woman named Tammy, and even with odds and judgmental people going against her, she was trying her best to make a better life for her and her children.  I invite you to watch it, it is about 7 minutes.  Tammy's Story

I feel for both Tammy and her children and I recognize that because of the overall situation it creates issues and heart ache for everyone.  I have been taught the importance of education and hard work.  Education is a large predictor of someones ultimate outcome in life.  Education is a wealth in itself.  Tammy's and her son's goals and desires are so great, and after I watched this I was really hoping someone would step in a be willing to help this struggling family.  I think it is better and "best" to lift one another up as a humanity, as neighbors and as brothers and sisters.  I encourage each of you reading this to develop great goals and continually work toward them and then create new goals.  I also encourage you to find an opportunity to help someone every day.  It will be a blessing in your life. 

- Kirsten

Family Ties

I have been learning about similar things in a few of my classes this week.  One thing that stands out is how family members each have roles they play in the family.  Some roles are assigned by others, some they choose for themselves.  Some roles come and go as needed, but there are also very important roles we have that keep our family balanced.
To give an idea of what I am talking about, think of a time when you might have moved away from home for a time.  When you returned home to visit or stay, did you ever revert back to past roles or responsibilities.  This happens quite often.  Sometime when we seek to change roles it can create conflict in a system.
The ultimate goal in a family or any other system is create balance.  With that comes roles each individual can have to give fully of themselves to others.  There is a message given by Dallin H. Oaks titled, "Good, Better, Best" that gives some insight into how we each can take part in strengthening the home and family.

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"The number of those who report that their 'whole family usually eats dinner together' has declined 33 percent. This is most concerning because the time a family spends together 'eating meals at home is the strongest predictor of children’s academic achievement and psychological adjustment.' Family mealtimes have also been shown to be a strong bulwark against children’s smoking, drinking, or using drugs. There is inspired wisdom in this advice to parents: what your children really want for dinner is you.

President Gordon B. Hinckley has pleaded that we 'work at our responsibility as parents as if everything in life counted on it, because in fact everything in life does count on it.'

He continued: 'I ask you men, particularly, to pause and take stock of yourselves as husbands and fathers and heads of households. Pray for guidance, for help, for direction, and then follow the whisperings of the Spirit to guide you in the most serious of all responsibilities, for the consequences of your leadership in your home will be eternal and everlasting.'

The First Presidency has called on parents 'to devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children in gospel principles. … The home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place … in … this God-given responsibility.' The First Presidency has declared that 'however worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely-appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform.'"

What I take from Dallin H. Oaks message is that we all have specific gifts and abilities that allow us to help others in only ways we could.  Along with that, we should give others the opportunity to use their gifts to best help us.  

- Kirsten

(Hope this thought wasn't too long, I don't plan to make them all this long.)

Communication

I want to discuss communication in marriage.  I read an article in my Parenting class by John Gottman titled, What Makes Marriage Work?  I have often seen family or friends and all their different ways of communicating, along with all the conflict that comes from it.  I think this article by Gottman has great insight and wisdom in how we can better our relationships through communicating.  Even though I am not married yet, it is something I can apply in my life with all relationships and will definitely help once I am married. 

Some definitions of problem solving styles:  (John Gottman's What Makes Marriage Work)

Validating: Couples compromise often and calmly work out their problems to mutual satisfaction as they arise.

Volatile: Conflict erupts often, resulting in passionate disputes.

Conflict-avoiding: Couples agree to disagree, rarely confronting their differences head-on. 

After you know the style you use and the style those around you use, you can start to adapt and know how to better communicate with each other.  John Gottman used a term the “four horseman.”  These are the problems that can get in the way if we don’t keep them in check.  They include:

Criticism: Attacking character, pointing out weaknesses, and using phrases like, “You never… or You always…” 

Contempt: Sarcasm, mockery, body language, belittling, insults, psychological, and intent to hurt.

Defensiveness: Denying responsibility, making excuses, disagreeing, and negative mind reading.

Stonewalling: Silent treatment, avoid talking about things; Manipulative.

If you are able to avoid all four horsemen you are already on your way to resolving a conflict.  I thought the information in this article was so critical, and I wanted to share it with everyone.  I hope you learn a lot like I have and I hope you take the opportunity to apply these concepts.